IN THE NEWS
Rock on, international proletariat opposed to American imperialism and adventurism! The Democratic People's Republic of Korea (better known as North Korea, or by its stage name, N-Kay) is sponsoring its own version of Woodstock. And, as you have to say after many news items out of the DPRK, "No, we are not kidding."
The good news: at least Ronny Van Zant of Lynyrd Skynyrd won't be appearing. It's not clear why. If I were organizing the concert, I wouldn't want the guy who wrote the anthem of the un-Reconstructed, anti-Civil Rights, Nixon-loving South, "Sweet Home Alabama,' on my stage, either. I can't say if Kim Jong Il felt the same way or not. Here are the official ways you'll get banned from this career-ending gig:
The lyrics should not contain admirations on war, sex, violence, murder, drug, rape, non-governmental society, imperialism, colonialism, racism, anti-DPRK, and anti-socialism.
Uhhh, OK. No "admirations on war" will probably nix Lee Greenwood's appearance. No sex? Well, that eliminates at least half of every living music act, from Jerry Lee Lewis to the joke band Tenacious D. No murder or drugs? Practically every rap or hip-hop artist is off the list. Rape shouldn't be a problem, except for the music company executives in the crowd...Non-governmental society, whatever the hell that is, check...Imperialism and colonialism eliminate anyone who has done a commercial for Walmart, and the official band for the Coldstream Guards...As for racism, it'll be a contest to see who's the most anti-racist...I can't think of anyone who has written a marching song for the destruction of North Korea...As for anti-socialism, North Korea-style, that excludes a lot of musicians from Eastern Europe, since they had first-hand experience of communism.
I think we're left with Dolly Parton, R.E.M., Coldplay (because they're freaking everywhere), Andrea Bocelli, and the ghost of Ray Charles. I might travel to North Korea to see that show, but only if someone digs up a copy of Coldplay's early unpublished song, "I Wanna Stick It To You The Way King Leopold Raped The Belgian Congo." I really can't stand Coldplay--they'd ruin the show.
[The great graphic for this post is from WFMU's Beware of the Blog.]
Hard to believe they left religion off the banned list. On the other hand, it might be part of a clever plan. If north Koreans spend a day listening to Christian Rock, they may decide that they're better off as a closed society after all.
Posted by: Mojo | 11/27/2006 at 23:02
OT, but where do you get off calling "Sweet Home Alabama" "...the anthem of the un-Reconstructed, anti-Civil Rights, Nixon-loving South?" Skynard goes to great lengths to boo Governor Wallace, blame Nixon on the rest of the nation (the Deep South was still largely Democratic when Nixon was elected), and to recognize African-American musicians in the form of the "Swampers."
You may want to get past the accent of the singer before planting assumptions about racism and intelligence.
Posted by: RamJam | 11/30/2006 at 17:26
OT, but where do you get off calling "Sweet Home Alabama" "...the anthem of the un-Reconstructed, anti-Civil Rights, Nixon-loving South?" Skynard goes to great lengths to boo Governor Wallace, blame Nixon on the rest of the nation (the Deep South was still largely Democratic when Nixon was elected), and to recognize African-American musicians in the form of the "Swampers."
You may want to get past the accent of the singer before planting assumptions about racism and intelligence.
Posted by: RamJam | 11/30/2006 at 17:28